PH
I should have added ‘serious’ because there is always that one we see on most Kenyan roadsides, by a bus stop, waiting for yourmatatu. The two people you always see there at some shop-you are not even sure if they own the shop since they are always sitting outside it-maybe chewing khat. There can always be that relationship. To some of us it is not serious but to them, trust me, it is serious. One day you will just pass there and you will see the ‘lady’ holding the kid and you will for a minute worry for that child and ask God ‘Why?’ But that is none of our business.
On to the topic at hand, my advice, to you if you are not in a relationship but want that companionship but you are also jobless; look for work first. There is no two ways about this one, trust me, look for work first and the rest will fall in place the right way later.
Obviously I am not talking to the people who have built a strong relationship over the years and one of them found themselves in that situation out of the blue. That is different. Obviously I am not talking about the couple where one decided to raise the kids while the other could continue because they could. That is different.
I am talking to that mostly young person who is still trying to find a purpose and figure out their purpose in life. It will reach a point you will just decide, maybe just maybe I want a relationship as well because I can handle it since I have too much time on my hands.
You cannot plan a future realistically with the other person
Unless one person is going to carry the both of you, you will not be able to make plans and that will eventually frustrate the other person.
They want to move in with you, how will you split rent if you have no money? If you do move in, at first, the other person will act like it does not bother them but just keep buying food for two people for six months, pay rent, and pay for water and electricity-that is when you will start wondering why they are having mood swings.
Some relationships have never been able to make any sense and it is because if you are ever a fly in a room and listen to the conversation, you will feel blessed to have a brain. What happens when this one decides they now want to get married and start a family? They do not want a civil ceremony but a wedding. That is when you see a couple rushing for Harambees and being frustrated because you are not giving them the amount they want. You want to ask,’ But aren’t you jobless?’ But you cannot because you will sound offensive.
They want kids but you know you are not ready because of your situation. You already know one child uses more than one pack of Pampers in a week. You know babies have funny emergencies when you least anticipate them and they usually cost money. You will accept your partner’s wishes because you want them to see you are committed. Eventually you see them being mad because you are not helping after you cannot undo such a situation.
Trust me; get a job first before committing yourself in a serious relationship.
The money issue will always be in the way after the first couple of dates and it is only one person footing bills.
If you are a man, don’t do it. If a woman keeps buying, paying, and picking you up and dropping you off; it will eventually get to her. She will be supportive because she met you when you were in that situation but women have this thing called denial. She knows she wants a man that can take her out and do things for her, so she will date you because she is hoping when you do get it, you will reimburse her patience and fortitude.
When you hit one year still stuck, that is when you know how foul someone’s mouth can get. You cannot get out because you have sort of developed an attachment and that is how bad marriages and relationships start. She will always remember that one time when she always picked you up.
