PH
Nairobi – I am always saying that there are those things that you should just not allow to cross the line in your relationship; and that is when you are constantly bargaining in the relationship. It is always a bad sign when you have to bargain with your spouse for EVERYTHING for ANYTHING to ever happen. That is a terrible sign. Someone who likes you will always make an effort and when they cannot you will understand.
On the other side of the hemisphere are the ones that will ask you, ‘Na wewe utanifanyia nini?’ It is at this point that your wife will ask you whether you have ever tried washing your clothes, socks, sheets or came home at ten and cooked your own meal and you will do what she wants because you do not want to experience hell on earth.
Is negotiation a good thing in a relationship? Manipulation is not which where a lot of couples get confused but negotiation can be sort of good. With marriage there is no such thing as black or white, it is always grey and you will always be straddling the fence.
How you go about it is what matters. And what are you negotiating about anyway?
You should not listen to me all the time, because the way I see it, I am not in your marriage and if it is working fine for you guys, then keep doing what you are doing. The number one rule that you always need to maintain is; ‘never let your spouse, especially your husband, catch you in a lie.’ Just avoid lying because you will always get caught. Trust me, you will be caught.
Negotiation only works in the following scenarios
Only if it is a win-win situation
It can never work if it is always one person doing the giving because they will reach a breaking point. If they are willing to give in for you this time then next time you should be the one giving into what matters to them. Make your relationship work by making it a little bit equal in your discussions and disagreements. If they accept failure this time, accept their failure next time. Does not matter if you did not do anything but they know and they will appreciate. Instead of saying I told you so. No one wants to keep facing shame every time they try.
What are the two of you negotiating about?
Someone will say, she said, if I win this time, he should win next time.’ But what is he winning? Don’t let someone manipulate you into accepting a situation you do not want because they gave into your demands last time. Such situations include; second wives or co-wives, working hours that do not make sense but you give in not to cause strife-generally something that you will not go along with. Negotiation should have both couples on equal footing where there is respect and not blatant disrespect.
You can always make a deal with your spouse
A lot of couples say marriage is not fun, I say, it is because you married the wrong person. You can do fun things with your spouse and making deals is one of them. ‘You prepare them for school this time and I will cook your favourite breakfast.’
‘You do not want me to bring a house help, then you help around more in the house; deal or no deal?’ If you renege, we are bringing in one because we have to be realistic helps exist because working hours are no longer 9-5 and Nairobi traffic has never been forgiving,
I just scratched the surface on the following but I am sure you could figure out more and better ways to make negotiation a working part of your marriage or relationship. It is better than grumbling and complaining when things do not go your way.
