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Is there really a list that you should have? I guess yes, but I will bet you that what I like might just not be what you like. So you really have to have your own idea of what you want instead of looking for people to tell you what they finally settled down on with.
You should not wait until the last minute to start asking yourself whether they are the right choice because that is how people end up settling with whoever was just available. If you are dating someone and they are obviously not aligned to what you want or like, then don’t assume that things will get better or you can change them. At times you really should just take whatever face someone serves you and run with it. Don’t assume there is more behind the mask even after you have been at it for more than a year now. That is what you should have been doing that whole time-unmasking. Not dating six years then being angry with someone because they are not turning out as you wanted and frustrating them as well. That is not their portion but your problem.
Someone who is willing to meet you half way
This past weekend I was with my sister, mother, my aunt and her boyfriend. We were having a discussion. My sister has taken it into her head that her future man should be a person who steps up; like if she is washing vegetables he should help her by cutting them. It is because she has been watching my aunt’s relationship. Her man steps up to help her whenever she is held up; so my sister is like, if I am late he should at least help by preparing the meal-we work together.
That is a good thing to expect but she is not just expecting but demanding it. I told her she is about to experience culture shock with that attitude. When you meet a man and he helps you out, I will not lie to you that that is what most men are doing out there. Thank your gods and your lucky stars because someone will stand on your head and tell you but that is not what men do. If your spouse meets you half way in everything; that is a good man, even in the simplest things, someone’s heart shows. But how you approach them with it is what will determine whether they maintain it throughout the relationship. Demanding for it, might land you in hot soup. This will translate in all aspects of your relationship; arguments, compromising, discussions and everything else that is important.
Someone who has an idea of where they want to be and they are working towards it
The problem comes in when you think you can force ambition and potential on someone. People are not goats or cows. They have a brain and if it tells them to work, they will. If it tells them, they need not to hurry, well hell, they will not hurry but chill. So you find a man and he has already shown you he is chilling then a few years down the line you start telling him he ruined your life. You could just as easily have left. They did not mess your life, you did. If you wanted someone who had more in mind, you could have waited or looked for that. Men are all over but if you approach your dating life lazily, picking whatever comes along then it is your fault; never the other person’s.
Someone who is not angling to change you or make you better
There is nothing wrong with someone who wants better for you. Thing is they should just as easily be pleased with who you are and what you are now. You don’t want someone that will make you insecure or make you question yourself at every turn. That is how respect and trust is bred. If the first is not available you will never have the last two.
