Most parents love it when their children are in school.
But in just a week, school holidays will come calling, giving parents a headache of what to do with raging hormones in the house for two months.
If parents think disliking their kids is one-sided, then they should know that the feelings are mutual: children don’t like them much either.
Unknown to wazazi, that dislike is mutual if a survey released this September by Infotrak is anything to go by.
Parents will be shocked to learn that they are viewed negatively by 72.5 per cent of their kids with only 17.8 per cent viewing them positively.
The Infotrak survey, from 800 respondents across the country, also reveals that 59.9 per cent of modern parents are not raising children as future husbands or wives.
Shockingly, the survey also exposes the best and worst parents in Kenya, with those from Central and Nyanza being most hated by their children while parents from the Coast and Western Kenya were most loved by their kids.
In April this year, a young man in Kisumu is reported to have stabbed his father, Dr Michael Amolo, 18 times after he (the father) questioned his reasons for skipping his exams.
Michael Owino (fondly known to his family as DJ- Dad Junior) was not ready to discuss that with his father, and after several trials his dad walked outside the house.
DJ allegedly went into the kitchen and picked a kitchen knife and stabbed his father several times in the head and neck. Sadly, Michael Amolo succumbed to injuries and was buried soon after.
And in February last year, a 64 year old woman was stabbed several times to death by her adopted daughter in Nyeri County.
What could be causing bad blood between children and their parents?
Marriage counsellor Mary Malinda argues that when parents fight in the presence of their children, respect for them goes out the window as “they can sense when there is tension between parents,” while in other cases one parent might tell on the other to a child and “This makes the child to develop a negative attitude towards that particular parent, and lose respect for them.”
Patrick Murumba told The Nairobian that he developed a negative attitude towards his father “after seeing how he treats my mother. My mother also often told us when they had a disagreement with dad.
It is often because of money,” says Murumba, who, however, says as “a grown man and I do not let their issues affect me.”
Modern parents are also over protective of their children. Peter Maina Wambugu, a counsellor and religious leader, says, “In the past, children belonged to the community and anyone was responsible for the well-being and disciplining of anyone’s children.
Wambugu also notes that modern parents have no clue on upbringing of their children and without role models the mess we’re in is inevitable.
“In the old days, a parent’s word was final,” recalls Wambugu. “And children respected that.”
“It was unexpected that a child could retort to their parent or rebel. Disciplining was done by any parent in the village. We were parents and disciplinarians to every child around.
This ensured that we were collectively raising the children by following the accepted norms in the society,” he adds.
Hannah Kaburu, a parent to six grown ups, recalls there being no negotiation between parents and kids as has become the norm these days.
Children learn by observing and Wambugu posits that “When you see a kid with questionable character, you should question the parents’ as well.”
Drug abuse is another as evidenced by the Kakamega man who exposed his son- who killed his brother for refusing to buy him chang’aa- for raping his mother following substance abuse.
Westernization has eroded African culture and the values that held society together and Lucy Macharia says growing up in a strict society ensures she stuck to her parent’s expectations and “although I have seen them disagree on several occasions, I have learnt to always let the grown ups be. I don’t hate my parents. I know they are not perfect. I love them just as they are.”
A recent graduate who was raised by a single parent can’t fathom how kids can view their parents negatively after all the sacrifice.
I have seen my uncles and aunts collectively raise me, helping where they could, financially” says Brian. “There is no way I would hate anyone of them.
I am where I am now because of them.”
