PH
There are things that you know your spouse can never find out about and there are those that you definitely know they should know about. Thing is a lot of people tend to confuse the big lies for a white lie.
Then they go for counseling and come back to their spouse saying, ‘I have no idea why you are taking it like this. The therapist said you should forgive me and learn to move on.’ For a lot of people there are just some things that when you cross the line, you have just done it for them. Not because they are special but because when someone trusts you wholeheartedly; you should come forth with some things. Basically, there are acceptable secrets and there are the unacceptable ones-not that I am saying you lie but I am just telling you what your partner will find unacceptable the moment they are a spouse.
Hidden wife, hidden spouse, hidden children-unacceptable lie
Men make the mistake of never saying that they have a baby mother and women make the mistake of never telling a would-be husband that the child at home with mum is theirs. You also assume that someone will live in total ignorance about it, thing is, when you move in; you get so much into someone’s business, and you eventually find out. They will eventually find out and it will destroy the two of you especially if you are still starting out. You may end up breaking up because to them it will be like at least they were not so deeply in; they can make a clean get away.
If it is a few years down the line, the spouse will never forgive you and they will now be questioning everything you have ever told. For some people you have now given them a pass to do whatever they want and it will never be your right to try and correct them. That is the truth as told by me.
You have also taken some freedom of choice from them because now, they might have to help maintain the extra house hold that you kept hidden. In other circumstances they would never have had to deal with that. I can assure you, they are bitter about that.
Secret property; acceptable or unacceptable?
This will come out the wrong way but I have always straddled the fence on this one. For a reason though; a paragon of virtue will say I am wrong but it is for a reason some spouses do not need to know about some things. Spendthrift spouses, those who will go and sell things without you being aware until after the fact, a spouse that maltreats you; this property will be a refuge in case you have nothing else. Something of your own is always a sure thing of your independence if someone is not good to you and for you.
You only share knowledge of property with a spouse who is ready to work with you and has always been for you from day one. But someone who stresses you, watch out!
When you make a choice about a conceived child alone-unacceptable
Your partner will eventually find out the moment you do something and you are thinking you have hidden it well. Things just happen. You either fall too sick or it later comes up while you are trying to conceive and someone ruined something. Such a decision should be made between two people-between two adults. If you are married, you should involve the other party when such a thing happens. One decision can make you pay the next time you actually want it.
Acceptable secrets only work when you are trying to prevent a spouse from being hurt and they are white lies; not the big lies. Don’t sleep with a colleague and now try to keep them away from a spouse and call it a white lie.
Introducing an ex as a cousin is a lie you should come forth with the moment they start being a nuisance because trust me, they eventually get to your partner and spill the beans.
Acceptable secrets are white lies; like I forgot to shop because the traffic was too much not the one where you forgot you have village wife or you already have a boyfriend.
