Sometimes, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
Arguing is normal and could sometimes be a very healthy way to resolve disputes or arguments but throwing around insults can be toxic especially since they can ring in your partner’s ears well after the argument is over.
Talk about what you’re upset about, or what your partner did to hurt you, and avoid calling them names. Instead of fighting to win or trying to take each other down, it helps to remember that arguments are all about listening and communicating. And never saying what you don’t mean.
What other things should you never do when you’re trashing out issues with your partner?
1. Name calling
Your significant other is your partner in the most important team in your life. Name calling is divisive and won’t help you out. No one responds to name-calling with, ‘Now that you say that, I have been a bit too mean.’ It won’t help you and it won’t help the relationship.
2. “You are too emotional”
You just stomped all over her feelings by say this. It could be several reasons why she’s acting the way she is. You can use tactful ways of ascertaining the reason. This should not be said in an argument/disagreement. Anything along the lines of “You’re overreacting” or indicating it’s her time of the month in an argument will make things worse. Try to be considerate of her feelings.
3. “That’s stupid”
These are dismissive comments, not to mention disrespectful. You are essentially telling your significant other that their views or feelings aren’t nearly as important as yours.
What does this even mean? I really don’t think any woman has ever relaxed after being told to do so during a fight.
When things are heated, the last thing she wants to hear is, ‘calm down’ or ‘relax.’ She is obviously upset and needs some time to recover on her own, so invalidating her reaction when something is wrong adds fuel to the fire. It’s better to keep your mouth shut if you have nothing better to say.
5. Bringing old issues
This isn’t to say that you should never discuss relationship injuries from the past, but typically a more productive route is to describe how the injury is impacting you now. Bringing up the past in these situations may make your partner feel like they’re serving a lifetime sentence, or it can evoke guilt and shame which will add to their defensiveness.